I’m trying to look past it. But I keep chasing the memories. Because they don’t understand the history within you, they tell me to turn the fucking page. But this isn’t a light switch that I can click on and off. It’s greater than that. Instead of begging, I should’ve asked what was needed.
Somehow, someway love betrayed me. All these damn memories taunting me. All these unanswered questions left without closure. All these days without sleep. All the bed sheets full of tears. All these knots in my stomach that are now in my throat. I’m emotionally unstable. I don’t want to say things I don’t mean. So for now I have to keep quiet. I still can’t bring myself to hate you. I still don’t let people say bad things about you. The suicidal thoughts are gone. I regret ever feeling like that. I’m so sad. There’s only so much that my loved ones can take and I know they wish this pain and hurt just went away.
Sometimes things are supposed to happen so you can just sit back and breathe. I knew the tattoo on my wrist would eventually bring meaning. “Just Breathe.” That’s all I can do. I know where I went wrong. I put all my insecurities on you. I’m learning self-love all over again. Self-love will heal. When it heals it will make me prosper and grow.
I was never afraid of being alone. I know there’s 8 million people in the world. But the amount of love I had for you was greater than the sun. You said if you love me, let me go. I did. I’m trying. But the other thing to that is, if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t,…. I don’t want to complete the quote because at the end of all of this I still have an ounce of hope.