Just Say Fuck It

Losing weight has been such a blessing for me. I say this because it is something that I have control over and the one constant thing I have that keeps me going. I am officially obsessed with the gym. I am still fat but losing weight takes time and the thing about this is that I’m learning to love myself as I’m on this journey. It’s not about the time, it’s about me getting there and taking this day by day. One thing that I always obsess over is how people see me. I let the opinions of others get to me. I am constantly thinking oh what if this person thinks this or strangers stare. It used to be the biggest pet peeve of mine when people would stare. More than half the time it would be people coming up to me to tell me how much they liked my makeup. One time a guy yelled out “Oh my god you are so beautiful.” I never saw myself that way though. It was always me thinking I was this ugly fat person that deserved no one. I would be so emotional all the time too and find reasons or people to blame it on and it was all my own doing. Let’s flash forward to half a year later and guys let me tell you, like I always do, I love the shit out of myself. Life is way too short to give two fucks what people think of you. I had a conversation with a very good friend who I consider now one of my besties about her cutting her hair and whether she should do it or not and the answer is fuck yes. If you love something or want a change don’t let the opinions of others change that. Now let’s say she cuts her hair and hates it then that itself is a lesson learned: TO NEVER GO BACK TO THAT HAIR STYLIST. I don’t care that the gym is packed with people anymore. If I want constant results I have to go to the gym.  I no longer care if a  restaurant is packed with people. If I’m craving that food then my ass is going to eat there. If anyone stares at me, I smile and just think positive. Lately all I’ve been thinking is positive. The other day I said fuck it and wore a bralette/crop top, leggings, a cute jacket I had that used to fit me tight lol, and I didn’t care that my belly was showing. I used to be one of those people who was so scared of everything and now I can say by not caring about small shit like that it has contributed to my happiness. If something or someone doesn’t contribute to your happiness then let that shit go. Odds are you were better off without. The lesson out of all of this is that if you love something or want to do something, then do it and don’t let anyone stop you. Now if it involves you robbing a bank or something that breaks the law then duh you should know better. Next time you are in your closet and you think hard about whether you should wear something, WEAR IT.

Until next time,

lots of love,

esswest

(it doesn’t count if i didn’t take a picture so here’s the belly showing lol it wasn’t a whole lot but those that know me know that this was huge for me)

 

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