First and foremost, hi friends. I hope that everyone is having a fab week… I know I am. I mean, my emotions are a complete mess but that’s cause it’s that time of the month and I have totally been in my feelings lately, but other than that, it’s been good.
Today I woke up and felt a rush of emotions. I wasn’t really sad but I wasn’t really happy either. I can get so caught up with thinking about the future that it sometimes scares me. I know at the end of the day that I’m doing all that I can do to better myself. I wasted so much of my time with people who deep down didn’t care about me, I wasted so much of my time trying to please others and put others needs before mine. I think that I’ll always be the type of person to be there for someone whenever they need me but
I just finally got it in my brain that just as much as I care for others I need to care for myself. It’s okay to put myself before anyone else. People waste so much time trying to please others and get likes on their Instagram post that in reality you don’t realize it but that’s time. This year I promised myself that I would manage my time wisely and do shit that matters first. I had so many obstacles when I signed up for classes this semester that the old me would’ve just gave up and not took any classes but that’s how I know that I’ve changed because I was determined to get enrolled into these classes if it took me getting no sleep and waiting hours to see someone at the college. I did it btw lol I ended up paying for my classes but I did it. There’s also been so much random shit that I wanted to buy that I avoid going to stores because I’m really saving my money. Sure it’s okay to go out every now and then but budgeting myself has also been something that I promised myself to do this year because I am determined to get a brand new built house and no one is going to give it to me on a Silver platter, so I have to work my ass off to put down that 10% lol
Last week I only lost 2 pounds but I’ll take that. I recently switched up my whole diet so I have to give myself time for me to see some progress with it. I’m basically at a calorie deficit, I burn off the calories that I eat +500. It sounds very crazy but I count every calorie and I burn every calorie off plus an additional 500 every day with the exception of one rest day. People asked me if I count my salad that I make and yes because they do have calories in them. They might not have a lot but they do you have calories. For example a cup of the spinach that I use in my salad has 30 cal. People forget to add the dressing that they put on their salads but that contains calories lol I even count the calories that are in my supplements. I’m really just trying to switch up my whole diet so that I can drop weight again like I was. I still am losing but I’m afraid to plateau and guys getting out of a plateau is harder than walking on fire. My goal is not to lose weight fast but for me to be losing at least 8-10 pounds a month. I also did the inevitable and gave up Diet Dr Pepper. Those that really know me know that no matter what diet I’ve ever been on and even with me losing the weight that I’ve lost I always had diet drinks. I recently fell in love with water again so I’m not saying that I’m going to give it up forever but I slowly want to cut back and as time goes on give it up completely but for now I’m just not choosing to have any soda. Being on this weight-loss journey has taught me so much about myself. Half of the things that I used to be scared of don’t matter to me anymore. I’m not saying that I’m not fat anymore because the truth is I still am but the dedication patience and time that I’m investing in myself will forever be the best thing that I ever gave to myself.
Going back to the beginning of this, today I woke up with a bunch of random emotions and that’s partially because of it being that time of the month and to get myself out of this funk I plan on being at the gym for a couple of hours. When I go to the gym every feeling that I have stays there and I come out so much happier. So today at the gym I did half an hour of stretching, an hour on the treadmill, 30 minutes on the elliptical, a glute workout that consisted of 4 sets| 3 reps of Bulgarian lunges, sumo kettle bell squats, the “pussy” poppin machine, and a jump squat finisher(I could only do 30 and I was dead) I left feeling happy and focused on my goals.
I know that 2018 is my year; my year to grow into the person that I know I am, to speak my truth, to be unapologetically myself, to love myself fiercely (the way my family and closest friends do), to experience new things, make new friends, and grab hold of my dreams.
I am worthy of love, acceptance, change, healing, and forgiveness.
I am courageous and brave. I have something to offer. And I need to believe that. Like my friends said to me when they saw how badly I was hurt and how I felt about the past six months, “we all stray from our path, but it doesn’t define us. we are all human, and it’s time for you to forgive yourself.” And that is true. I am my own worst enemy – we all are, right?
So cheers to the first month of 2018 under our belts and experiencing a blue moon, supermoon, and lunar eclipse on that last day of January. So many remarkable, positive changes this year.
Things to be excited about this month:
1) Pops birthday
2) Girls Night
4) More weight loss
5) Vlogs (check them out and subscribe to my YouTube)
6) Fifty Shades
7) Self Love
Until my next post
love always, esswest
Here’s some calories burned today and hopefully it motivates you to go workout. I’m going back to the gym tonight for Leg Day and lately it has been my favorite workout.