Let me start by saying this isn’t going to be a post about being salty or trashing anyone that is currently in a relationship. I’m not about that life and nobody likes a petty patty. I love seeing family and friends in love. That’s what life is about. So last June as most of my followers on here know I had my heart broken into a million pieces. It felt like someone took my heart and filled it with bricks. I know there are a trillion problems in the world but this one cut me deep. I guess because I let the relationship run my life. This is no disrespect to my ex either. We both were just trying way too hard or not at all and in the end, we parted ways. Sometimes people aren’t meant to stay in your life and you have to understand that if they wanted to be apart of your life they would. They wouldn’t make excuses or make you feel less than human. I was always the type to jump relationship into another relationship. I never gave myself time to grow.
Soooooo let me tell you what I have learned being single.
I have found that I don’t need a man to make me happy. I used to be so fixated on being with someone at a certain age. Having kids at a certain age and now I think about that and laugh. Life is a crazy roller coaster you just have to go with the flow and see where it takes you. On that crazy ride make sure you make the right decisions.
Being single made me realize that I needed to take care of myself. I lost weight and I’m still more than ever determined to drop 100 pounds by July. I’m way more than half way there. It also opened my eyes and realized how many men were trying to talk to me on this weight loss journey I’m on. Holy cow. This isn’t me being cocky either. They all figured since I was “fat” and losing weight I would feel insecure about my body and telling me things like “come suck my d***”, would be attractive? Nah never. That is a huge turn off. All attention isn’t always good attention and probably won’t be good intentions. Remember that.
Just because I’m single doesn’t mean my legs are open for service. Men have this idea that all women will just say hello with legs open just because they throw a comment on their Instagram saying how beautiful they are. Respect yourself. Don’t fall into a man who has one thing on his mind. Eventually bodies add up and you will feel everything you should’ve felt if you had time to just be single and not worry about sex. I’m not here to judge either. Trust me. A couple of months after the heart break someone started talking to me at the gym and I didn’t give him the time or day but he kept being insistent on taking me out. So I did it and long story short, I wasn’t ready and ended up crying. How embarrassing? No he understood but I know that was way too fast for me.
I found out who my true friends were. They checked on me weekly. Every time I called they were there. When I needed to see them they made time. They all took me out and just showed me the love I deserved. I know that the next relationship I get in I will always make time for my friends and not be so fixated on spending so much time with the relationship. It’s all about balance.
MAKE MONEY ON YOUR OWN AND DON’T TRY AND DEPEND ON A MAN TO BE YOUR SOURCE OF INCOME. I was never the type but I got so comfortable with spending money left and right that homegirl forgot to save!!! Never again. If you have money then spend it but I’m all about that saving life so just be wise and don’t feel like you can chill. I feel like now you should always have multiple sources of income. I have money coming 3 ways and I will forever be on my grind. Trust me, many many months ago you would never hear me saying these things.
Change is good. I switched my whole school stuff just as I was about to finish. I switched to something that was going to make me happy and my parents supported me. And now I’m on this grind to finish school and I’ve NEVER WANTED IT AS HARD AS I DO NOW. I should be finished by Fall of 2019 so, Go Gators!
I found myself. I fell deeply in love with myself. I love myself. I’m happy. I’m blessed. I created this.
Being single doesn’t make you lonely, it doesn’t mean your incapable of love, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be a crazy cat lady. It means you’re taking time for yourself. I tried my best being in my last relationship and it still wasn’t enough or appreciated. I made my world revolve around him and I tried to change and adjust myself for him but it wasn’t reciprocated. After crying for months while looking at everything. In that moment is when I regained my self-worth and knew I deserved better. Yes I do love myself so much right now but y’all my mental health is also a priority. I stopped being sad and lying around . I got up and moved on. Being single has made me smarter with life. I took myself on dates, made my weight loss a priority, hell I made myself a priority and I blossomed!!!! We are all human and we make mistakes. Forgive yourself. You see, I had thought the relationship ending was the end of the world, that I was never going to find someone better. But I did find someone better, and that person was me. I am the only one who can love me the way I want to be loved, and it will show onto others. Learning that helped me grow so much.
Until next time
love always and forever, Esswest