Right now I’m back at the gym and I’ve been feeling so weird. I can’t shake it. Last week I lost 4 pounds. So I transitioned myself to start eating better and next week I start my rounds of high protein low carb 5 times a day diet. This one has helped me the most so I want to go three weeks on it and then one day of only liquids after the 3 weeks. I just wanted to share that this journey isn’t an easy ride. Some days I wake up hating my body. Not myself but my body. Then there are days when I feel very anxious and this is because I went 26 years of my life living this way and feeling this way. Those feelings don’t go away over night but I don’t let them take over my life. I still go and workout. I still eat clean. I still give it my all. I used to just shut down and let my thoughts consume me. I let myself be sad and whatever I am feeling. I am working on not taking it out on others but I’ll get there. I had several people this week ask me how do I love myself? You know it never occurred to me that other people of all sizes have problems with self love and body issues. Even though I feel this way, stuck, I still love myself. That’s one thing that hasn’t gone away. To everyone that tells me I motivate them and that I am so inspiring, I want you to know that I am human with far more emotions than an average person. I kept my anxiety and emotions inside for a really long time. Now that I am becoming this positive person those emotions and anxiety still come out and I try my best to deal with them. I also want you women who are sending me messages on how to love yourself to stop overthinking and just do it. Society has this idea that makes us think our bodies should look a certain way but in reality you shouldn’t give two fucks to what anyone has to say. If you love how you look right now at whatever size then stay that way. Make that decision for yourself. I started this journey because I was so fed up with being fat and unhealthy. Working out made me feel better and now I’m here. Staying on this journey. Even though I feel stuck, I will push through!
until next time